Dream Chaser

Me v/s Myself

2011-12-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time that I took up to pen down my next blog. Here i sit down to pen down my experience that I feel is worth sharing with people around me.

It was during my 11th std, I was part of my school team for Volleyball and was just back from Inter Zone competition from Sainik School Korukonda(AP). I was on very high on the fact that I was part of school team and we were just back from a nice performance of our school at the competition other than Volleyball though :P :P :P... Because of the games, we were exempted from the classes and all the activities. We just practiced before the competition and were completely unaware of what was happening in the classes. We were left with 3 days for the first mid term exams and I hardly made an attempt to understand and study things because within 3 days, studying for the exams seemed impossible during that period and hence was trying to prepare just to pass.
Monday was the first exam Physics, I was sitting the study hall during the tea break and was just having fun with friends during the break. Then came a friend, Shivakumar and he happened to ask me, how is the preparation going on for the exams. I cracked a joke at him saying we don't prepare to top the exams like u dude.. he he... He told me one thing back sayin, the evaluator of ur paper will not think that u dint do well in the exams coz u came back from games and all... in this world, u make ur own future and u cant blame anyone or anything for what you achieve or you loose, realize that and study well so that you don't have to beg your teachers to pass you. Those words stuck me sooo deep in my mind that, I studied whole day properly and prepared well and wrote my exams and to my surprise, I had scored 96/100 in that Physics. And I thank you Shivakumar for what you taught me in life and I still remember those words whenever I come across any decision that I need to take in life i.e. We make our future and we are responsible for what we are and what we end up with.
I strongly believe the people around you can be categorized into 2 circles. The first circle to whom you mean the world to them including your family and your best friends and the other circle is leaving the people from the first circle :P... Any things you dream, just make sure that you are so sure about it and want to do it no matter what happens and aim at conveying and convincing and discussing it only with the first circle. You don't need to be bothered about the second circle which includes your society.
It has so happened that many a times, people tend to take decisions all by themselves with an assumption that they can do it and when it comes to execution, they get bogged down by the society and the people around them and regret for their decisions that they have taken. It is little sad to note that, Society is made by us and society does not make us. We stick on to our fundamentals and our life values and you don't have to worry about what society thinks of us.
We alwayz think of myself when we dream and when we execute the dream, we take an approach of Me as per society. There has to be a balance between Me as per the perception in the minds of others to the Myself as per yourself :)
When you think from your eyes, you are easy to be fooled :) - Karate Kid
I would like to quote a saying from one of my very good friends that, during the last days of your life, don't ever regret thinking that, I wish I would stood for my dreams rather than other's dreams... Make your life count and Yeh Zindagi Naa Milega Dobaara.. :D

Dreamer's Dream GAL

2011-06-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

She came in my dream
Where I saw her in a train
She was sitting in front of me
And was desperate to know her name
But ended up eating her brain

Got to know her name
But not her surname
Asked her from which place
But she looked at my shoe lase
Got scared of loosing my fame

She had such amazing Smile
Which took me away by a Mile
Was lost looking at her beautiful eyes
Which made me feel, she never lies
Ended up falling in love with her Style

She mesmerised me with her sweetness
Which made me wanting her closeness
She had look of an Angel
Which would make anyone go Pagal
Began to feel without her my life would end up in Loneliness

When she started talking to me I forgot everything!
I wish before this journey comes to an end she becomes my girl friend
Don't understand how love stories starts
I hope my love for her never ends
Finally,,, I only prayed that she would not look at me like a thug and give me a tight hug

I would like to thank Bharath for your selfless support and motivation in getting this beautiful write up done... u rock bro :P :P :P

RT2 - The Rise of the Limericks

2010-12-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

The Title RT2(Random Thoughts Part 2) - The rise of the Limericks, is inspired from the naming convention used by the Hollywood movie sequel names:P :P :P

Disclaimer: The same disclaimer applicable for RT1 holds good for RT2 as well :P :P :P

Warning: Limerick writing is considered as a powerful way to teach English language esp for small kids. But my strong advice to all the readers is to keep these Limericks away from your's and neighbor's kids :P :P :P

My version of limericks is quite liberal from the actual limericks...

Here they go..............

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
I don't know where you are
Hiding like Bharath's girlfriend
Whom he could never find
Wherever you are, you are very far, very far, very faaar :P :P :P

I went to School
Thinking it was a pool
There I met my teacher
Got confused with a Swimmer
Ended up standing on the bench in my swimming dress like a fool :(

Every time I saw her going with someone in my School
That heart breaking scene never let me keep myself Cool
I wondered if I ever had a place in her heart's Dictionary
Realized that I was the only answer of her life's Pictionary
This made me feel life is so beautiful But she made me look like a fool :P

RT1

2010-11-24T09:24:00.000-08:00

The title RT1 (Random Thoughts - Part1) inspired from SRK's next movie RA1(Random Access 1) including the picture above from DDLJ :P :P :P

Disclaimer: All the content in this blog is purely a fiction. Any resemblance to any living being or any incident is purely co-incidental. I believe the disclaimer is as important as the blog title itself. he he :P :P :P

I sat under the moonlight thinking it was candle light

I sat under the coconut tree thinking it was mango tree

I dreamt of my Chachu thinking it was Archu

I married Preethi thinking it was Prachi

I had thought everything was well until I realized I had fallen into well

I always felt that she was mine

But later realized that she belonged to someone else

Even though she belonged to someone else

I wished that someone else was myself :P :P :P

If some more random thoughts creep in, will come back with RT2 :P :P :P

It'z Complicated

2010-08-19T03:24:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, was sooooo bored by noon that, I wanted to get out of the house and roam somewhere. Thought of watching Inception movie and then sat down to check if there were any tickets available. Just then, got a call from unknown number and picked up the phone asking who is this?
It was my cousin sister asking me as to why dint I visit their house in last 12 months +.. it was quite a long time and they had every reason to be angry on me. I assured them that I will come soon. But they asked me start then itself and come to their house. I was not ready to travel such a far distance during the noon time. She even said that, she will come back in her car to drop me back home. My parents asked me to go meet them and come.
I started off by 2-30PM and then went to the bus stand waiting for the bus. Since the journey was far, waited for AC BMTC bus to travel so that I could sleep nicely while travelling. Finally the TATA Marcopolo bus arrived at 3 PM and I got into the bus and sat in a seat just behind the door.
After couple of stops, there was a couple who got into the bus and the bus started moving. The couple looked very young and may be they were just married. The girl and the guy looked very good together and made a good looking couple. The guy was looking for the seats to sit in the bus and then he observed that there was empty double seats available only at the end of the bus. The guy asked the girl if they can go back and sit there in the end. The girl nodded her head saying no.
After another couple of stops, there got a seat empty just in front of the girl in the middle of the bus. The girl went ahead and sat in that seat where there was another guy sitting in the adjacent seat near the window. Then there got a double seat empty on the left side of the bus behind the driver facing backwards. The guy went there and sat left extreme near the window leaving his adjacent empty seat and starting looking at his wife. The wife also raised her head, looked at him and did not move from her seat at all.
Then later, there got another double seat empty in the middle and the wife went and sat on the right extreme near the window. The hubby came almost running towards the seat adjacent to hers. They both spoke couple of words and started looking at the opposite sides.
For a while it looked quite funny to me and made me laugh. The next day morning, when I thought about that incident I made certain conclusions on what had happened.
My Conclusion: Arranged marriage + Ego + Non understandbility + Non Sacrificing nature
I remember, there is no better foundation then friendship for a lifetime relationship and felt that it was missing in the first place in this scenario. The guy sacrificed his last row seat and stood in the middle of the bus just for his wife and she just goes ahead and sits next to another guy later :(. She did not even bother to move next to her hubby when he sat in the front seat facing backwards as well :O. I pity her hubby :(.
Given the kind of relationship they are in, they should be ready to sacrifice small small things for their better half. What is the point in living such a one sided life where only one person cares/sacrifies things for his better half and the other just does not compliment. The person will continue to do it for somemore time and if the other don't compliment, he/she will stop caring it self. In situations like this, the person can not go and complain about their relationship to anybody else because there is no more important person then their better half here. I believe the same thing applies for any relationship and if things are not in resonance then they are never stable :P.
Once you read till here, you might have some other conclusions on your mind. I will keep this forum open for such thoughts and request you to go ahead and make us aware from other dimensions as well :P :P :P

We the People

2009-12-07T22:52:00.000-08:00

For a change I got up at 5 AM early in the morning and got ready and left for my friend's sister's marriage. The bus stopped at a bus stop and it started. There was a middle aged female running towards the bus to board. I just turned to ask the conductor to stop the bus but by then that female had made it to the bus. Felt good seeing that female made it but felt sad seeing such an ages woman running for bus like that :(
There was a long queue for the tickets and I somehow made it to the counter before the train could pass :P. I walked inside the station towards the 7th platform. I first saw a young Coolie carrying a heavy load with a sign of pain in eyes his eyes and later I saw another old ages man carrying heavy luggage with similar sign of pain in his eyes. But the person to whom that luggage belonged had his eyes fixed on the luggage the Coolie was carrying :( :( :(.
I reached my platform and was waiting for my train to arrive. Once it arrived it was such a rush out there for unreserved seats and the people were pushing and pulling each other to get into the train. I just waited outside until the rush got lesser. I saw that people were getting into the reserved compartment and occupying the seats there also. I also got into the train and luckily the train was not so crowded in some compartments and I got a window seat.
It was pretty cold early in the morning. As always my eyes were brightened up by seeing 3 pretty girls in stunning dress walking on the platform :P and as always they were followed by a gang of 5 boys commenting on them. I could see the anger on those girls faces :P :P :P...
It was the third stop and the train got so crowded that almost there was no place to stand. There was a stand in between the seats for people to eat food. There was one female who was carrying her grandson along with her. As the train was full, they made place for that female and made the kid to sit on the food stand in front of me. The moment the kid was made to sit away from the female it started crying. But the moment the female showed the window and people on the platform the kid started looking surprised as though they were some aliens :P :P :P
I remembered the scene from Swades movie but the situations was not that bad as shown in the movie. I reached the station and was supposed to catch a bus. Many buses passed and we waited for our bus. One bus stopped. As soon as the school kids started running to board the bus, the driver started the bus and went off :( I do not understand what the hell the driver was thinking of himself. It is a govt bus and did not stop seeing the kids running to board the bus. At last we got the bus and reached a place from where we were supposed to catch an auto 2 reach Melkote.
The most funniest part was that the auto got so crowded that I felt the driver was sitting on the lap of one of the passengers :P. Imagine a 6 seater auto carrying 14 people inside it he he. I was sitting at the back looking at the vehicles coming behind us. I could see people laughing seeing the crowd the auto was carrying. I happened to see a car which had 3 girls and a guy inside it. They were looking at us as if they had never seen such scenes in their life before. In the middle, the auto stopped and there were 4 ladies girls supposed to board the auto. As there was no seat, the driver asked the girl to try at the back seat, she came back and saw a bunch of guys sitting and she went back hesitating to sit along with us he he. One of my friend was sitting inside and he was completely surrounded by girls everywhere :P, I just turned back to him and made a eye sign saying enjoy dude :P :P :P
We got down at the marriage hall and called up my friend saying that we are in. He asked us to come in and to our surprise we saw those 3 girls and a guy in the car were also present:O... My friend came down and said, come I'll introduce you to my friends and introduced those people only. The world is so small I say he he he... He told me , "dude please take care of those people and take along with you for lunch. Those people did't even have their breafkast". Then my friend said, "Dude even I did not have my breakfast". He took us to kitchen and got us some sweets.very sweet of him but he still preferred those girls over us:P :P :P. The marriage was so crowded that It was like one Rajnikanth Movie release. There was no place for these people to sit. At last we made to the food hall and caught place and sacrificed our seats to those girls and waited for the next turn :P :P :P.
Till the end of the day we kept on pulling my friend's legs over those girls and made his life hell :P :P :P... He asked us to stay back and visit the places near his house. But we returned back as we did not have leaves left :P.
Once I reached home, what stuck on my mind was the on going journey and the Swades movie scenes. It looked to me like we are always used to being in such comforts and miss out a chance observe the reality in life. It is just that we see such things in movies but once we watch stuff with our own eyes we realize it properly. Those Coolie people work almost all the days without any leaves unlike us. These people did not have a chance to make their life in the early stages.
We may not be able to change the situation all alone, but instead we can start looking at it and encourage people trying to help out the needed ones. One such an initiative has been taken by some of my friends and I suggest you all to encourage them.
Please refer the link below and see what you can do. Let us be the change that we want to see. It may sound old but still vary much valid in the current world.
Lets us be the change that we want to see

One Minute Victory

2009-09-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

A voice said, One Two Three shoot... 3 guys started running and after 3 mins 4 people where carrying me back to hostel. :O he he
Way back in my school, a day before the inter house obstacle race, three of my friends set to record our timings for the race. As we all started to run, the third obstacle was jumping off from a high wall. The trick was to rest our hands on the wall and then take a jump but instead to gain the lead I jumped into the air to cover as much distance as possible from the high wall and landed flat foot on the ground. The very next moment I was not able to stand on my own and fell down on the ground. The people rushed towards me and carried me to the school medical inspection room. The doctor advised me bed rest for some days and I was advised not to take part in the obstacle race the next day. The most exciting part of school was the inter house competitions and i had missed it :(. Recently last year i had a hearty laugh when my roommate who also happens to be my school mate told me that they celebrated when they got to know that I was unfit to participate in the Hurdles race competition...
The doctor asked me to get it checked with the big hospital in the city as I was not able to walk with my flat foot. I was walking only with my toes and could not touch my heels to the ground. The doctor said that I just need rest and should not put pressure on the foot for some more days.
Exactly after a month of obstacle race there was the biggest event in the school i.e athletics. We all were preparing the list of participants for each of the events. My name was given in some of the events assuming I would be fine before the athletics. I was supposed to participate in long run events and hurdles race. But I was still not well for the athletics too and I asked others to replace in the long runs. It was the day the hurdles race was supposed to happen and I asked someone else to replace me again. The captain told me that we do not have a replacement and they asked me to just go there and give it a try. I went near the hurdles and saw them, it was 1.1 mtrs high and the next moment I knew it would hurt me badly if I tried jumping it. Then arrived the hurdles event day and participants were getting warmed up for the event. I too went in there and tried running on my toes only and made sure that I never ever touch my heels to the ground. I just tried taking a jump on one of the hurdle and to my worst, my heels touched the ground and it pained like hell and I sat on the ground. My friends told me to drop the idea of running if it is going to pain. I said i will give it a try and they advised me to stop in between and skip the race in case the leg pains too much.
I stood at the starting point for the race with so much of tension because I dint know what I was going to do the very next moment. But i dint want to give up the race and I was waiting for the gun to be shot in the air to start the race. I heard the voice again shouting one and my heart started beating much faster. As soon as I heard the gun shot, I started running on my toes and jumped the first hurdle and by mistake it touched the heels again and pained. I decided not to jump the other hurdles and use my knee to make the hurdle fall and keep running. And to my luck I made all the hurdles to fall in my lane only and ran. To my disbelief I was the one who touched the finishing line first and ran a little more further because I can could not stop suddenly running on toes. I just turned back and saw all the hurdles had fallen down in my lane he he... All my house mates started running towards me to congratulate and lifted me up. This was the first sport event for which I stood first and I was so excited about it. I heard a voice saying Soooper le Krishna... It was my hostel superintendent. Then me with my friends were discussing about the final race as to what strategy to be used. I told them I would use the same strategy and use my left leg to make all the hurdles fall instead of the right leg as it was bleeding a bit after the race. The serious discussion was disturbed when someone shouted that the School registrar was coming towards us. I just thought he was coming to congratulate me. He came to me and told, nice strategy but not a good sportsman spirit. He asked me to run again. The hostel superintendent argued that the rule of the event is just to finish the run and need not jump the hurdles , the only rule is that hurdles should not be made to fall in the other's lanes else the person gets disqualified. But registrar did not agree and asked me to run again. But I was not ready again and lost the race in the second time. My victory just lasted for only one minute he he... :P

My 6th Sense Analysis on GOAL

2009-08-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

Many a times we complain our near and dear ones about the dislikes of the job that we have in our hand. We want to move out of what we have in our hand and get into something else. But we are not sure of what we like in the long way to come. We just feel that the work I do currently is stupid and get into a more challenging job. Imagine a company having 10000 people and each one of them asking for a challenging job which is quite not possible.
Usually we are not aware of what we want to be in our profession. One common answer we hear is, to be a successful professional. Ask them how do they go about it. just no clue.
A sucessful professional has a goal in mind and in turn makes shoft term goals which takes him towards that final goal. Just applying that logic to a professional who wants to become a tech architect, what steps does he/she has to follow. The work that a person does may not always take you towards your goal but that should not stop one from moving towards it. Instead make short term goals in the career like designing mini project that involves all by yourself or with your friends. A person just cannot run towards the goal. They need to understand the skills required and start working on it.
These short term goals let a person to discover where do they stand in pursung their dreams. Another big advnatage of achieving those shorter goal makes is that it makes one believe in his/her capabilities.This pushes us to cross our barrier and think of doing somehing big next time. When you make people known of what you have done then they get to know what you are capable of. Conveying message through actions and facts is better way then just saying it. One has to convince yourself first that you can do it and then convince others about it. IF you cant convince yourself then you will never convince others.This reminds me of a sayng "You are the best... you just have to prove it".
Having small small achievable goals boosts the moral of a person. It leads to motivate yourself. The best motivation that a person can have is the self motivation. When we start trusting ourself , We don't have to look out for others always to gain motivation to move ahead in life.
I remember one funny incident in my school. In my PUC II nd year, an X-student of my school had come. He was quite famous in school as he had joined IIT and had a superb CET ranking. We interacted with him and understood what he was upto. He said that he works in US and was working on weather forecasting. We were so excited listening to what work he was doing. The day he left, everyone in my batch started reading IIT entrance exam book including me. As days passed we again lost interest in it and we were back to the state where we started off. What we all tend to do is to copy a successful person. But what we miss out is the reason behind being successful. This reminds me of a saying "you are born original.. Don't die as copy".
Let us have our own original goal in place and proceeds towards it using the learnings from the successful people instead of copying their goal as ours. The motivation from others is not permanent. we always look out for such things to happen to us to keep us motivating . But instead you trust yourself and be able to self motivate yourself, then it is like you dont have to wait for the fuel from others instead you can regenarte fuel and keep moving in life.
It is just my sixth sense analysis on the goals of a person :P

(Break+Make) Man = A * in U

2009-06-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

It was third day of the first semester of an engineering college. A guy comes to the class late by 5 mins and asks for permission. He sees an empty row on the right side of the classroom and occupies it silently. Then a bunch of girls enters the classroom and asks the only guy sitting in the row to move in. The guy without uttering a word gets up from the seat and leaves the place for the girls to sit and goes to the last bench in the class. The reason is coz of the guy almost never had an experience of talking to girls and was very shy to speak to them. He had done his studies till 12th in a boy’s boarding school which was almost outside the city and with no interaction to the outer world. Everything was available in the school campus with no necessity for the guy to go outside the school campus.It was Me :)
In the mid of the second year of my engineering, my friend introduced me to the world of chatting. Sharing things with unknown people without even seeing them was very exciting. I got so much addicted to it that I never missed chatting even a single day. I remember, many times I went outside the college to a browsing centre to chat when the internet was down. Then came the 3rd semester exams and I could manage well with my studies and chatting also until there was a paper which almost killed me. I was quite confident of that paper as I had listened well to the lectures in the class. It was Data Structures paper. I had never opened the book even once, not even during the internals. It was only the classroom lessons and internals had gone pretty well. I had a friend who studied only on the day before the exam sitting all through the night and had faired pretty well. I was quite excited about doing it, I wanted to give it a try at least once, so wanted to experiment that with this paper. I never touched the book even during the day time. I just thought that a day before the paper I will open the book and brush up the concepts. It was 6:00PM and I opened the book to read. As I started to read it I felt quite difficult to understand the concepts written in the book. The implementation of the concepts explained in the book was quite different from the way it had been taught in the class.
There was a buzz that we have to write according to the book in the exams. So i tried hard to understand the initial pages of the book. I had hardly finished the 10 pages of the book and the clock rang 10:00PM. Yes, it was time for me to go and chat. My roommate warned me not to go, but I ignored and went ahead. Finished chatting by 12:00 and returned back to room. Along with friends went to have a cup of coffee to get rid of sleep as we had planned for a night out. Came back from night canteen and started reading the book. After struggling to understand the initial pages I had started to understand the other chapters. It was 3AM in the morning and I had hardly covered 50% for the paper. Then I along with my friend went for a walk in the night. After coming back from the walk, I hardly had time to cover up the rest of the syllabus. I felt I understood the stuff well from the book, so I started reading it so fast that i had completed reading for the 100 marks by 5:30Am. My eyes were pulling very badly. I felt that it if sleep now I would get up very late for the exam. But I could not control my sleep; i just laid down on my bed thinking on the subject I had studied. I started feeling bit of restlessness; I was not getting convinced that I had studied well for the paper. I got up twice to refer back the book to understand some concepts. I could not help but keep thinking about it till early morning 7 AM. I got up and realized that I hardly had 2 hours left for the exam. I got ready but i was getting so damm tensed. I called up my Mom and told her that I am not able to remember any thing and forgetting what ever I had studied. I started crying over the phone. My mom consoled me saying cheer up boy; I know what you are capable of, just go there and write whatever comes to your mind. I hanged the phone and went for the exam.
My tension reduced a bit, after I read the question paper, it was quite straight forward. I started off with the first question which was a theoretical one. Then came the worst that I had never expected. It was a simple program to be written and I started off to answer the question. I just could not recollect what needs to be written after the first 2 lines of the code. Tried so hard to write the other lines of code but just could not. Same thing happened for most of the programmatically in the question paper. As I turned the paper and found one 20 mark question which was to write short notes. I remember writing nearly 8 pages for that question. Just kept on writing whatever came to my mind. I had just put in everything that I had with me. Then tried to come back to programmatically questions and still could not recollect what needs to be written. Oh God!!!i was completely blank. Final bell rang and the most horror movie in which i had starred had ended. I was almost confirmed that I would fail as I had hardly attempted 40 marks and most of it was theory which is difficult to score. Everyone was so happy that just one paper was left over to finish and the paper they had just finished was pretty easy. I still remember everyone cracking jokes and having fun while i was sitting silent and didn’t feel like eating. I came back to my room and lied on my bed with tears in my eyes. I told my roommate of what had happened and he advised me to get out it soon as i had another paper to be given to finish the sem exams. If I don’t concentrate on that exam i would flunk that also i felt. In the evening I just sat down with couple of friends and tried hard to laugh at the jokes that they cracked. But I just could not be normal. Something was pulling me down. I started feeling that whatever I read, will forget.
I remember sitting and writing the C++ book which was the next paper. But i hardly could concentrate on the book. I was not able to look into the book and read it. I was kept on reminding of that horror incident. My friend later came to me and explained me about 40 marks. Rest I just kept on writing the book. I entered the exam thinking i wud flunk this also. Thank god, most of it was theory and I could somehow pull it off normally.
After exams everyone was watching movies in their pcs but i had just started to break myself. Yes, i had started to loose my self confidence. I went for my vacations and hardly spoke to anyone. One day my Mom came to me and said, Son forget it, exams are over. Come with me; let’s go to neighbor’s house. I refused to accompany her. She said, it's ok come you will have a change. I just went there with no interest.
'Namaskar' said an unfamiliar voice. I looked up and gave an authentic smile greeted them in return. That person started, 'I heard so much about u. Your parents have done so much to make you study and you people have responded back well on that, despite so many challenges. I did not know whether I should be happy with whatever had happened in the past or unhappy about the failure in the future. The pressure started mounting on me as to what would these people think if I fail in my semester exams.
In their house I met a very young girl who was still in her 7th std. she was cute girl with a pleasant smile on her face. Her dad proudly said that their daughter had topped the 6th std with more than 90% in a CBSE school. I did not speak to her on that day. But when i had gone there next time her mom told me the difficulties that the girl faced. The fees of the CBSE School was quite high. Thankfully the school has agreed for the fees in installments. The school also had given them the warning twice for not paying the fees regularly. Her dad was a taxi driver. It's hard to get customer in a small town so the only income was pickup and drop of school children in the taxi. Her mom and grandma were running a Kirani shop selling small items. That little girl was aware of all these problems and still studied so well and also taught her younger brother well. It clearly was a live example of what a dedication can do to a person. Amazing she was. I still remember her parents asking me if there is any scholarship scheme available for her. I could not remember any for school going children.
I came back to the college after my vacations and was still in that shock. I could hardly concentrate on any of the activities. I still remember it had its effects even in the football game that I played. Just could not focus on what i was doing. I is to walk back from the field cursing myself as to what the hell was wrong with me? Why is it happening to me only? Day by day things were getting worse. I had started to write the entire book to understand whatever i studied.
Then came the semester results. I was just so scared to look at that. One of my friends came to me and said that even the topper was in 70s. I was completely shocked. In the first year the topper scored over 90%. My heart started beating so fast as i was approaching towards the results board. One friend came to me and said congrats you have scored 67% and went off. I didn’t understand what's happening. I looked at my results in tension and saw that my results read First class. I was relieved a bit and looked at the data structures marks. It read 38 out of 100. Oh God!!! That was one of the happiest moments of my life. One of my friends told me 'Dude Data structure paper correction very strict'. I felt like laughing. I asked him whatz the matter. He replied 'I was expecting over 90 and ended up getting 37'. I asked him to apply for re-evaluation and left.
In the 4th sem exams I somehow pulled it off with so much of struggle. After my 2nd year in hostel, I moved out to stay with my brother. I had 2 best chat friends. I had stopped chatting almost and talked to those 2 friends over phone. I never ever expected that the worst would come in my 5th sem exams. It was 7 days to go for the exams and those were one of the most horrific days of my life. I remember those days I was not able to recollect anything that i had studied the earlier night. I studied entire day thinking I would not remember anything and tried recollecting the same in the night. Hence i hardly slept and felt that my mind was blank again in the next morning. I recall those days when my parents/friends calling me up almost everyday to cheer me up and tried convincing me saying it is just exam fear and nothing to worry. But I was never convinced. I had revised the first paper syllabus thrice and still had no confidence that I would pass. On the night before the exam some weird thoughts started coming to my mind. Yes! I was thinking of running away far from all these. I felt no use in studying anything as I would forget it anyways. I started thinking what I would do if I run away from this. May be take up anything which I feel like doing like music which i loved so much. I feel I was so crazy those days.. he he.. At last i decided, if the next day paper does not go well I would run away.
Then came the day and as I entered the exam hall I was so damm tensed and received the qn paper. As i looked through the paper, I felt I knew most of the things. But to the worst of it, I could not even answer the first question itself. I just sat down with blank mind for the first hour of the exam. Oh god!! it had started happening to me again. After almost an hour with my answer sheet completely blank started off looking at the theory questions. Somehow could manage to answer 60+ marks and came out. I came back to my room and told my brother of the problem that i faced. He was cool and said it is just because you don't sleep at night. I did not realize the importance of his words. Before he went to his bed he asked me to get ready early next morning and he would take me a Guruji who taught him Yoga in his college days and he was here in Bangalore. I said ok.
As usual I was almost awake the entire night and got ready the next morning and set out to meet the Guruji. We boarded the bus and made a transition with a tempo and reached the Ashram at around 11AM. We both went inside and we were asked to wait for sometime as Guruji was in middle of some Pooja. I had carried a book which i kept on reading without understanding anything as i hardly concentrated on it. The place was so beautiful and full of greenery. Then a person walked upto us and informed that we can go and meet the Guruji now. I and my bro sat on the floor. Guruji asked me to come forward and sit. He asked me what is bothering you my son. I told him that whatever i studied i never remembered during the exams the next day. My mind goes blank and I started crying. Guruji said, "Don’t cry. Nothing has happened to you. Why do you fear the failure? What will happen even if you fail? Will the whole world stop functioning? All the people who have failed in exams are not failures in life. I conduct a 10 day workshop every month" and he asked me join for the next month batch. Do not think about the results. Then he instructed a person standing next to him to take us and show the ashram.
That person took us for the lunch first and then showed the school. It was a very beautiful place to learn. He said that 'here we do not believe the Pass and fail system. We expect every person to give in their 100%". It was around 5PM and we planned to leave. We attended a pooja and left the ashram.I felt bit better. I reached the home at 9-30PM and I didn’t know what had happened to me. I started reading the book again from the beginning. I had hardly studied for 20 marks and slept off as i was very tired. I got up in the morning and realized that i had so much to cover. I just opened the computer and started going through the PPT that was used by our lecturer to teach in the class. Went for the exam and wrote whatever came onto my mind and i never felt that my mind was blank.
When I came back to my room and started thinking of what had just happened. Things would actually go well if we do not fear the failure and to sleep before the exam no matter how the worst situation we are in. I just informed my bro of what had happened. He said very calmly. It is common that a person mind goes blank if he/she does not have a proper rest. He was so true.
Guess making of a broken person had begun. I just made it a point to sleep at least for 4 hours. But the experience of a bad incident always keeps reminding of you the past even after you might have come over it successfully. It needs some time to move on. Then came my results and I had done decently well. I felt i was so stupid messing up my life with chatting and then troubling all my friends and family members during my exams. Oh god, thank you so much for having given so many wonderful people around me. They never discouraged when I was broken and supported me morally so well. But anyways as people say whatever happens, happens for good. It had taught me some of the invaluable lessons in my life.
Then came the 6th sem which went off without much trouble. And then came the campus interviews. We planned to start off with IBM and appear for one company before starting off with IBM. It was TCS for me. Appeared for the online first round which I cleared and appeared for the next series rounds. I hardly knew abt the company and was helped by a girl who told me abt the company. We both, I and the girl who had helped had cleared the interview. Wow what a feeling it was. It makes you believe you that you are worth something and makes you feel we are capable of achieving something. Cool ..
In my final semester, we were supposed to make teams for the final year project which i had made with another guy. Then came a rule that no 2 member team. So we sat back and searched for 3 member teams. We got one in the hostel and another from the girl who had helped in the TCS interview. So we both decided that my teamie would join the hostel team and I would join the other.
It was quite difficult as my team was of 3 girls and I was the only guy and I hardly spoke to girls earlier. It took me some time to get adjusted with them and understand them. Later I realized that these girls were actually very sweet and caring. The days were passing very fast. We almost spent one month in just understanding the algorithm that we were implementing. So after discussion we decided that we would implement and would carry out the same at home also. We even had so much of fun and watched movies bunking the classes. Even though we had some obstacles during the course of the implementation of the project, we pulled it off so brilliantly in the end. We were so proud of what we had done. It actually boosted my confidence so much. It was something big which i had been a part of and was very successful. Our hard work had paid off. In the final demo it was decided that I would give the demo while other 3 girls will do the speaking. I always stick onto my opinion that English sounds very sweet in girl’s voice. :)
The project had given a me a bit of self confidence. Someday back I was watching a movie called 'Happy Days'. I remember the last scene in the movie where the hero asks one of the lecturers, ' What have i achieved in the 4 years of my college life. I just feel that i had come 4 days back and college is over. The Lecturer replies back, "college is not a place where you just get a degree, you get to learn the most important lessons of your life which will lay the foundation stones in your life'. He was so true in whatever he said. I had learnt one thing for sure, how to talk to girls... he he he
When i sit back and think a bit on my past. I feel there are so many things that may break a person. But on the way back to making of a man he/she learn the most valuable lessons in life. I had such wonderful people around me who helped when i was in the worst phase of my life. I just wanna thank all those lovely people in my life. I also urge others to do your bit to help a person when in depression instead of demoralizing. It sounds stupid to see a depressed person behaving weird but pls help them out else those people might end up harming their lives.
I end up by saying, making a broken man all again will truly result in finding so much what he/she is capable of in their life. That’s why (Break+Make)Man=A * in U.
Celebrate Life... rock on...